How I kept “The Couch” Among Other Things

Hello Readers! Long time no writes; but I am ready to explain and confess why I have been distant with you all. Sometimes I feel like a broken record on here, always saying I’m sorry; but out the two options to be sorry or not; I like that I choose the later. A brief overview of my family; kids are cute and happy and healthy. Husband is fine and me well, I have been letting things go which I have never been terribly good at so I have been in a grieving period in my personal life. Um and I guess I am not quite done because I can feel the swelling of eyes and my heart and I haven’t even got to what I am going to tell y’all. I am blessed though because I am ridiculously optimistic person and see opportunity everywhere, so I am OK.
Let’s get to the announcement I have alluded to- Imperfect Perfections has never left the development stages and it has been dismantled completely. I will no longer be pursuing this business venture because it cannot be done with the routine I have with my family. I had hired a babysitter who, like me was less than perfect and whom I really liked when they showed up but showing up was difficult for them. I also tried working my hands to the bone when I had free time but free time for me is limited. I have given almost all of my craft supplies to a very deserving person who has my complete confidence in doing something wonderful with all I have given and is able to do what I was unable to accomplish in 3 years. The supplies I kept were for simple kid crafts for the summer and free time needing to be filled with stimulation. I have told very few people about this and I am so blessed to have a husband who is neither mad nor uptight so I can give all my things away; it has really helped me not to be reminded of my failure ,by being unused and collecting dust.
I got a lot out of this experience though and it is more than a failure to me. One funny thing I got out of it was a place to put “the couch”. When I was either in middle school or my freshman year (I can no longer remember) we went school cloths shopping at this thrift store and I was captivated by this 1970’s loveseat and I had to have it. When we got home I told my daddy about it; that it only cost $15 and if he could spot me the extra $5 plus tax (since I only had a ten) and I needed him to use his truck to help me get it home that I would be eternally grateful. To my surprise he said yes and we went and bought it that same day and put it in my room. I have loved this couch ever since, I have slept on it more than I ever did on my bed. It has moved with me at almost everywhere I have lived. To this day it still it makes me happy. 3 years ago we got rid of our free, big family couch because it was old; when we moved from an apartment to a house, leaving a family of four with only this loveseat and a recliner. In those 3 years the kids have worn my loveseat down and I knew we could afford to buy new family couch. So we went and got a great deal on a sectional which seats at least 7 people comfortably and we still had the recliner. Then I realized, where was my loveseat going to go? We didn’t have room in the living room anymore and our bedrooms are too small, so what was the answer? I knew before buying the family couch that the business wasn’t going to go anywhere, so I stopped living in fairy land and I packed all the craft stuff up and moved the loveseat into the craft room. It’s nice to have a Jamie room with my special couch that I have every intention of keeping forever.
The second thing I got and more importantly was priorities and they are the right priorities for me and my family. I stay at home and when the business was trying to be an important priority there had to be a choice of business or house work. I always choose housework because that should come first but it felt like I had to think about it. It was a dream of mine to start Imperfect Perfections this year and plunge head first into it and if I had chosen that I know I would be missing something. I might have felt fulfilled with the glamour of owning and operating a business, that smells like epic to me; but these kids will only be this age today. Someone once told me this, “Today is the oldest you’ve ever been and the youngest you’ll ever be”. How dramatic that statement is, but it is right. Choosing a Jamie cooked dinner over a craft show seems insignificant and far less awesome, but I hold cooking dinner in high respects and one thing I couldn’t write off was that cooking dinner for my family was the right thing to do. I know plenty of people who don’t cook and I am not judging them, also I am not above fast food or restaurants; but I want my kids when they are older to request dinners I used to make for them though. To this day I’m always happy when I get goolawsh and mashed potatoes at my parent’s house or their taco casserole. If they hadn’t taken the time to cook when I was young, I would never know to ask for it. Cooking isn’t the only priority I had to look at; there is plenty, but everyone can relate to that on here.
I also got to drop the resentment of a busy schedule. I hate to admit that to the world but when it came to head first plunging into business and seeing others, there was a twinge of bitterness that I have to do this instead of that. I live in a 30 mile radius of a lot of family and friends, we are so blessed by that; I know in my head and heart that it is a blessing. Unfortunately, there was a few months while getting ready to go places and see people that the thought “Shouldn’t I be working on the business instead” crossed my mind. I hated that thought, I love these people and while money is an ever present fact I am glad I no longer have to think in terms of dollars and hours. I hope and believe that I was never lost in my head about my business while with people whom should have my full and undivided attention but if there were any moments where I was short of attention or rude I ask for your full forgiveness because I am sorry; businesses are not worth more than the people you love. There was a choice and I choose them and I hope that I did it in the right heart and not half heartedly. I say this because even fleeting moments of rudeness can cause hurt feelings.
Another thing I gained was time to do other things I am equally interested in. Time to play piano, garden, walk the dog, play a game, read, and write; it took a lot of healing before I could write about this situation on paper but I wanted this blog to be the first one I wrote after the collapse of my business. I also gained time to really pray for others and cover all bases of their needs; for example when someone needs prayer for financials I don’t like just saying that; I like to cover food, house, children, and bind the powers of darkness working against children of God, and spend time on their request and give God glory and praise. I know not everyone has the time for that and there is no such thing as to little a prayer but I believe I am suppose to be a prayer warrior and I can’t push that aside for worldly things and I can’t craft and pray like that. With this new found freedom I can resume mindfully praying for the needs of others. I am not saying I am perfect or that I am that thorough every time I pray, just that I try to be mindful of the good and the bad things around a request and the things that are in between the lines that either can’t be said or that aren’t said.
Lastly, I lost guilt, months had flown by and nothing was done by April or May, and a lot of stuff had been sitting in that room for years waiting for a time to become something more. I felt guilty like I wasn’t living up to my potential or that I was slacking off. Also the money I had put into it, so much money has been spent over the years that waited for January and I was failing. I felt like I let myself down and I knew that it was just a charade by the end of it. A dream that wasn’t going to take off with the demands of my life and continually to think and rearrange it wasn’t the answer. Maybe someday but that day isn’t in the next 3 years. I tried to tell myself that summer was the answer but I was just lying to myself, because, summer is like winter; so busy with people and places to be. It had to be let go so I could enjoy my husband, myself, my kids, and the rest of you. I also felt guilty by not writing to y’all. I neglected you with worldly pursuits and that was wrong, God told me to write this blog because I was capable and it fit into my time; where the business didn’t. It was a long and misguided path. Happy for us both I left it before summer; I took off the rose colored lens and knew summer wouldn’t work and choose to leave it and I am better off for it.
As I said in the beginning of this blog it was hard; one of the hardest things I have ever done leaving the business behind me. I’m sad right now writing about it, I am not a crier and I cried about it. I wanted it but I had to say goodbye. I am happy I have gained so much from leaving it behind like keeping the irreplaceable couch. Sure, I could go and buy another love seat; but it wouldn’t be the same because my daddy wouldn’t have dropped what he was doing on a Saturday to go and get it. He wouldn’t make me feel special that day I had bought a different couch and left the 70’s couch on the side of the road. Also, I wouldn’t have to trust God with the business to take care of us. This year I have given more then I have ever given in the last 7 years and we have more money at this time of year then we have ever had before. That says something to me because I do the numbers and it is a mystery. It is hard but it is worth it. Where your treasure is there your heart will be also.
We all have to say goodbye or change and for everyone it is hard for a spectrum of reasons I pray that God gives you peace and wisdom about these leaves and changes because I know that without Him I would still be lost and stressed over something that isn’t meant to fly today. God bless.


3 thoughts on “How I kept “The Couch” Among Other Things

  1. Sorry to hear about your business I know you really wanted to make that happen. I am happy to hear that you are happy with your decision and that you now know what you want out of life!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s