Father’s Day a Day Late

Hello! This post is a little late but I wanted to talk about fathers while it was still around Father’s Day. Dads are easy to forget because they are wired so differently. I know in my own home when my throat gets scratchy or I hurt myself; I say something almost immediately. But my husband usually has had the cold a week before me and he never says a word until I complain about my own lot. Keeping complaints to themselves isn’t the only thing that makes them different. They require little attention. God knew what he was doing when he made men, women, and children. I would hate to image what life would look like if my husband required the same amount of time that the kids took. I also know that not all men fit into this mold, but it is common. Men have their demons too and women get the short end of the stick sometimes; but this is me being generic for less words sake.
We just celebrated Father’s Day; and that’s good for kids to know that not every day is their day. We in western culture really push different parent days and I think it is because we haven’t taught them to honor parents all the time. I watch kid’s reaction at the stores, restaurants, gas stations; and I know that it could be a bad day (my kids certainly aren’t perfect in public sometimes) but there is distance between parents and children now. It is a visible barrier, called by many names; electronics. This isn’t a rant about phone/pads/kindles/mp3’s and whatever else there is out there but sometimes to get kids to repect you, you have to do the hard thing sometimes. For instance, I see kids always on the “gadgets” at restaurants. In my opinion this is discreet disrespect, teaching them to disrespect their parents in a whole new way. It tells the child you do not have to participate in the meal with your family, or I don’t want you to participate in the meal; watch this and shut up. Now, I have done this, so my husband and I could have some quiet time before. Then I noticed, that it was becoming a crutch; after the last time we did it (the dinner still was unpleasant) I talked to my husband after we got the kids into bed. I told him we had to stop. I was uncomfortable with putting a screen in their face; if we needed to stop going out to dinner until the pumpkin was older fine but this was ridiculous behavior on our part. He agreed with me and well we quit eating out as a family. In my opinion listening to fussing can be first step to weaning them off this idea that they need to be plugged in all the time. I hope if you find yourself in a situation similar that you pray and ask God how you should approach the gadgets.
Kid’s honoring their dad’s (and mom) was first clearly spelled out in the Bible in Exodus 20; it is a commandment, meaning it is pretty important and written in stone. Secondly, it was a commandment with a promise; if you honor your father and mother your days will be long on the Earth. It is the fifth commandment coming right after how we should treat God; telling us that honoring your parents is vital to everyone. Parents are the first friends you ever have so it is not good enough to just give them a day; I think kids need to be taught this, and parents need to be an example with their own parents with little eyes watching. I know not everyone is capable to do this but what I do is have lunch with my parents EVERY Sunday after church. It is not always a joy, but it is important for my children to see how I revere and love them as people and as wisdom givers. My dad is less than perfect and it is sometimes hard to get along with him and for us to see eye to eye on things but my hope is that how I treat my dad is a upcoming reflection on how my children will still see me long after they are grown and have other things they could choose to do.
The Bible also talks about how the dads are suppose to set the tone in the family, he is the head (and ladies we are the neck gently turning them to the place they need to look); I am fortunate to have a husband who is easily steered to where we need to go and he chooses to do the right thing. I know some women who have a harder time to get their husbands in gear and that’s ok. I also know that there are many single parent homes which breaks my heart and makes it that much harder with less unity. We will all be held accountable for our actions and inaction on Judgment Day, even fathers and mothers who took their responsibility lightly and for those of us who are in this situation need to just do the best job we can. My best advice is first pray for healing for yourself and your children. Then ask God to send in a father/mother figure for your children. God is faithful and he will fill the need for you. I think it is important that we realize that our genders are our limits (I know that it sounds anti-woman) but it is true. I am not a feminist, proudly. I cannot assure protection with just my presence over my family like my husband can. A big, burly man coming home every evening speaks volumes over all my self-defense classes to my children. I know I can protect my children from unwanted guests, but they see this huge guy with a deep voice and they don’t have to hear about kick-boxing classes to know that dad can protect them.
Another thing women can’t do is instill in their children the kind of self worth that a man can. As mothers our children expect us to love them, care for them, and feed them. All this starts in the womb and while they are in the womb in those early days of pregnancy women are not aware that they are caring, feeding, and loving their child. But a man isn’t given that job; kids think they have to do stuff to get their dads love. I know most dads would say their kids don’t have to do anything for them to love them and I know that’s true; but to the child they think dad needs to be impressed for dads love. That’s why in divorce children blame themselves when it is isn’t their fault; kids are just wired to think that. When the child grows up though that self worth is gold that the dad brings to the table; I don’t know too many dads who would not at least act impressed by their child’s great and small accomplishments. To this day I still look to my dad for approval sometimes unknowingly; like today I couldn’t help myself but to ask him what he thought of my piano playing. I didn’t want to ask but I just had to, nothing would satisfy me but to make sure he liked it. I even envisioned him asking me to play when he got older and would need more help. That’s what dads bring to the table. I knew my mom liked it; I asked for her criticisms of course; but asking dad was different for me.
Dads are also there to think logically. I know I am way better with matters of the heart, imaginative things, book things, music things, spiritual things and Jay well he is Mr. Logic. Even when I want to, I have a hard time with logic because I want to do spontaneous things, not Jay. Logic is such a good thing because first things have to come first and children need that direction; flighty has its romantic moments but these children need to become competent adults. To get that result you have to do first things first. Men are so great at that. You lay a foundation on the ground before you build the house that’s what a dad does. Women are poor at logic, my logic is faulty; for example almost 2 years ago we got this dog. That was a terrible idea, I like the dog but it’s a third kid and takes up a lot of my time. I logically thought the then 5 year old would take care of it; that is one BIG laugh. My husband knew that would happen and tried to warn me and I found out later he knew what he was talking about. Now I have taken care of this dog for 2 years and will heed his logic warnings more seriously.
Lastly, something very basic without dads we couldn’t have life. The same thing is said for mothers but its Father’s Day. Whether or not your dad was great or not. Whether or not he is alive or dead. Whether he stayed or left; without that man you wouldn’t be you. Under awesome circumstance or poor circumstance you get one man who gives you half of his genetics. I am not saying that all has to be forgiven because of that; you need to forgive for different reasons but you should be thankful you have life. I know some people don’t value life and that’s a shame and a different blog post, but If you like your life even in the smallest iota you have a man to thank for it. If your dad was not present, I cannot relate to that; but God can and Jesus can. The Heavenly Father knits us together with the DNA from our parents and knows us better than are parents ever could. Loves us with unconditional,, ever pouring love. He protects us better than parents because He knows what lies ahead in the days and years. He gives us worth by what he calls us in the Bible; His children, holy, righteous, a light, salt of the earth, and much more. He heals us and gives us gifts and talents, ideas. He punishes us with gentleness for our well being. You may not have the dad you you want, your husband may lack in different areas with the responsibility he has, but we all belong to the Heavenly perfect Father who makes up for anything we earthly lack for. Even non believers belong to Abba (Daddy) Father; they just haven’t been made aware of it yet.
Heavenly Father I thank you for today, I thank you for my ability to write, I thank you for all the male figures you have placed in my life and the lives of my children. I know without them things would be lacking and I thank you for wiring us differently so children can have different perspectives on stuff. I pray with all my heart Lord that the children who are growing up without an earthly Father be lifted up and placed in your arms. Jesus said let the little children come do not hinder them. Give the mothers wisdom and a sound mind to help steer those kids, with You always in mind. I pray for the fathers who give less than their best. Lord I pray you forgive them and heal them for whatever has lacked in their life to be unable to care for their families like they should. I pray healing over their families and forgiveness. I pray that the evil be bound in the name of Jesus and I pray your love goes to them. Even as adults we need our parents and our parents need us. Lord I pray that we all realize that we need You most of all. I pray over those who have lost their parents to death, I pray that those people would be comforted by You and your angels. It is hard to get past grief. I just call your Spirit down on those people and lift them up and remind them they will have beauty for ashes. Bless the fathers of the world, real, step, and mentors for they make great kids. In Jesus Name, Amen.
Thank you for reading and be sure to comment!

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