Aw it is good to be well. For those who don’t know last week I was bed ridden and forbidden to touch anything. I had some eye virus and had strep throat. So between the Pumpkin being sick the week before and myself unable to leave my bedroom I had some serious work ahead of me trying to get everything back to the way a woman sees a house. Bless the husbands Lord and doubly bless the wives of husbands.
Enough about that; glory to God to be well, I am also so refreshed from all the rest even while worried about what the house looked like. In the trenches of being sick I found revelation. Revelation isn’t hard to find when you’re willing to look for it. So this is what I came to truly understand from one of the Lord’s point of views. (I believe that while there is no grey with God; there is layers; if you disagree ask Jesus about the “extra” layer He gave about just lusting after a woman is adultery).
It was Thursday night and my throat was still swollen and gross; my eye didn’t look like it was improving either. I got panicky. I shouldn’t have, I am in God’s hands and no one and nothing can take me out of them but I was looking with worldly eyes. I was afraid of Saturday (normally a day I enjoy) but it being Thursday night and only having one day to improve drastically before both kids would be home all day long with me bed ridden trying not to spread my diseases worried me. So I did what anyone in my situation would do, I called my friend. She was willing to help and I was given over the phone assurance that it was like a 95% chance she would take my kids for the day. So I waited for the confirmation call and it got later and later into the night.
She called around 10pm and her husband had said no. I was crushed. I threw the phone. I cried for at least an hour. (I am not proud.) In my life Saturday is not the day for babysitting by anyone in my family; they all do things on Saturday; things they can’t get out of. I even understood why her husband said no, I wasn’t happy but after all the crying I got the revelation.
While I was crying in my little Jamie room throwing a epic pity party for myself while the Lord just watched and maybe laughed (because it seems so silly) the phrase love never keeps record of wrongs and love believes the best of people. I am bawling and I tell the Lord I can’t do that right now! I am wounded, my spirit is hurt and I feel bitter towards a great friend. She owes me. I kept my end of the babysitting deal and apparently we don’t remember that. I got cheated Lord don’t you care? Then because bad attitudes produce even more bad attitudes I started remembering all the times I never got the rest of the deal, or the thank you, or recognition for my job well done. By the end of it I was a saint and everyone I ever knew had screwed me over and I no longer felt like I should do anything for anyone (again not proud and I blame the sickness and the devil). I was crying about stuff that happened in Middle School—never thought about it in 10 years but that night I cried like a baby over those things.
Then the Lord, probably done laughing on the floor said “That’s why you do it for MY glory.” Tears stopped and peace came. Just like that. I started remembering all the times I fell short. Those times I didn’t hold up my end of the deal. Those hurt and wounded spirits caused by me. How great it is doing it for the glory to God. Then (I have no idea if this is biblical, my guess is it isn’t, but I really liked the illustration so I am going to share it anyway) I saw those things I had spent the past hour crying over the no thank you, the lack of recognition, the good part of the deal for me that I didn’t get; I saw these things in a heap, a big pile; the money, gas, babysitting, presents, and such I saw this pile and it looked like earthly things. Dull, rusted, moth eaten, and old things; these things I had secret resentment about that I wasn’t even aware of start to just be lifted into the air and once it was really high it turned into treasure. I don’t know how to explain the “treasure” it didn’t look like gold or diamonds but it wasn’t the things I was crying over anymore; it changed (He does make all things new) they were shiny, bright, and brilliant now.
I am under no delusions I would not count on those things I cried over (not done for His glory when they were done) to be new treasures in Heaven. Is He capable of doing that? Sure, He can do the impossible. But I don’t want anyone to lose this message. The best thing I got that night was the peace about it all. Those things “owed” to me no longer held onto me and I no longer held onto them. It was so freeing. Relaxing. I heard or read something this week, quite recently really, and it went something like this: God doesn’t cut your grass. God provides the lawn mower and ability for you to cut His grass. I think this is along the same lines. Nothing that is owed to you is really yours. Nothing you own is yours. I love to call things common. It doesn’t matter if it is a Rolls Royce or a beat up rusted truck; it is all common. Money is common (they do print it every day). Houses are common. Stuff is common.
Having those things is fine, having a well paying job is such a blessing but always remember it is for His glory. I know the Bible says that we will throw our treasures; our crowns, at His feet in Heaven. I have a hard time envisioning that for myself (I am a fan of wearing a crown) but this revelation bestowed to me makes me think that yes I will throw my crown at His feet because He is SO glorious.
As for Saturday, it went fine. The kids were great; my oldest, Bean got paid for his hard work helping with the Pumpkin. I was so much better my strep was basically gone and my eyes were improved by spades. The kids didn’t get strep or eye virus. My friend who was unable to watch my kids brought me food. She cooked for me and besides doing dishes, cooking is the next thing I hate to do. That was such a big help. I am sorry I acted that way; but y’all reading my blog helps me do better.
I hope you have a good day and week. May God bless you with His constant faithfulness. Love never keeps a record of wrongs and it believes the best in people.
P.S. I hope you take that away today as you read this. It is ALL HIS and for HIS glory; not your own. It helps when things don’t go “your way”.