Good marriages are hard. I have one and find it extremely difficult at times. Late at night I look over what we have promised each other and find that what I thought I was promising was not the only way that term can be defined.
Sickness- 5 years ago I thought this was going to be far off, cancer or heart disease. Old age. I would not need to worry about it for two decades.
I get a cold sometimes. I understand it happens. When my husband gets sick it is different and usually not traditional illness. He does get that too though.
Good Humor Examples-
He threw his back out 12 hours into our vacation this summer and was laid up the entire time. Which was awful. We were 12 hours from home and were staying in a small house with all of his family. All four of us were in a small bedroom with two beds. The beds were cloud soft, he could not lay in them due to his back injury. The floor space available in the room made a “T” which was about 2 feet wide. He would lay either sideways or longways covering the whole floor. It was interesting that week making that arrangement work. Due to the small space, me being alone all day with two kids under 10, in the middle of nowhere, only basic knowledge of the town, and being watched by all my in laws all week whose ages range from 40-91; I am 29. It was fine and I scored some major awesome points but frustrating and needed a lot of grace. (Took three weeks to heal)
Recently he wakes up late on meet the teacher night. He informs me he has conjunctivitis. He says he would go to the school with me, but I forcefully decline because I don’t want the kids supplies contaminated or looks from other concerned parents about this awful plague. Meaning, I go to the school armed with two sets of school supplies with two kids who didn’t want to go. I take the supplies to their rooms but it was an ordeal because I am tiny and people move slow and we don’t know where the rooms are and I am holding a huge heavy tote full of supplies. I am with a four year old whose strong suit is not following along with out lots of persistence from a parent which was me. Good times. (Still healing)
A couple of years ago at Thanksgiving he threw his back out at one of my in laws houses while setting up the booster seat. Making the whole ordeal stressful on me and him. He couldn’t walk and I was in 6 inch heels, surrounded by people I see one day a year, dressed in my best cloths, fighting for the children’s best behavior, and concerned about how to get my husband to the car so we could gracefully leave which took hours. (I am a tiny person, my husband is a big person….there is no Jamie helping him up, everyone there is 40+) (took a week to heal)
There is a long list of call ins to work for regular illness that he gets but no one else in the family does. (Time to heal 1 day to a week)
I won’t go into the poison ivy escapades that happen three times a year, but it is painful for everyone. I am not allergic to poison ivy, that makes it harder to understand because he breaks out by looking at it……all over his body………forever (Time to heal 3+ weeks).
I don’t understand it. It makes no sense to me why this happens to him.
Another funny example is-
While I was in college I needed an afternoon alone so he took the Bean to the park. Within 20 minutes they were back. I asked what happened and he pulled off his flip flop and showed me this gash. A wood chip somehow went through his flop and into his foot. He could not stay and play because he needed a bandage. (7 mins to get there, 7 mins to get home, within 6 mins at the park he is hurt) (Time to heal 3 days)
He slips, trips and hurts himself. The last time I fell was three years ago. It was a bad spill and my ankle swelled to the size of a softball but I made do with a homemade crutch and wraps. (Time to heal 4 weeks). I am dexterous and I have good balance. I do “dangerous” things all the time and nothing happens to me. My husband is so careful and still he gets hurt. It’s in his DNA.
None of these things were, when I got married, definitions of sickness for me. I am not prone to accidents. I don’t think about them.
I thought sickness was not in this season right now, and before we got our house, he didn’t have that many accidents. I had to change my thinking about sickness and remember I promised to love and cherish him in sickness and in health.
I could spew, rant, and rage about these inconveniences. It won’t change. I could go make lists and be bitter. It won’t change. I could get all the sympathy in the world and my husband will still manage to be stabbed by wood chips that children play on without one wood chip injury in their whole elementary career.
It is best to laugh it off as soon as possible. It is best to redefine sickness because I promised before God and family that I would love him in sickness. Sickness in my marriage includes injury.
Quote of the day from The Middle- (camping on their honeymoon): “I didn’t realize you were leading with or for worse…” -Frankie Heck